Effective and Powerful Parenting needs to be cultivated, practiced and eventually mastered- it can be considered an Art. As parents, you seek, want and crave a perfect relationship with your child. Is that at all possible?  It can become a reality only if you truly understand who your child is.

One needs to accept that standardized parenting strategies are long gone. Those strategies had a tendency to put everyone into the same mould and presto your results would be simply evident, that it really did not matter which type of child you were parenting, as all the norms and strategies were standardized and thus the results would be as well.

Today, in our brilliant times, we have recognized that ‘each child is unique’.  This is where Disc Analysis comes in handy, as it is a powerful and a profoundly simple tool in understanding who your child is through their behaviour.

D= Dominant, I=Influential, S=Steady, C=Compliant

In order to further understand Disc Analysis, one can refer to the following four types of birds including, the Dove, Eagle, Peacock, Owl as this will assist you in better relating to their unique characteristics which in turn will help you in understanding your own child better too.

The Dominant type is seen as an ‘Eagle’– They display the following traits, such as being (direct, bullish, stubborn).

The Influential type is seen as a ‘Peacock’– They display the following traits, such as being (the center of attention, very talkative, fun loving, dancing, singing while surrounded by glamour).

The Steady type is seen as a ‘Dove’– They display the following traits, such as being (very friendly, loving as this child actually prefers living for others as they are giving of themselves rather than thinking about themselves first). You must know that this type of child is one that is the easiest to parent.

The Compliant type is seen as an ‘Owl’– They display the following traits, such as being (methodical, organized, structured as they keep their personal belongings in order).

Now, this is the moment to know who your child is and how they should be treated while keeping all of the above in mind. How does one interact with these personality types? For example: If you are too rigid with a child that displays traits of an ‘Eagle’ you will certainly have a very difficult time, they do not respond well towards rigidity. Towards the child that displays traits as a ‘Dove’, they will respond favorable to your display of emotional sensitivity. For those that display traits as an ‘Owl’ you will need to approach them with logic while interacting and communicating with them.

Hoping this will lead you towards more Powerful and Effective Parenting!

 Leaders are not born but made- Dr. Alka Kalra

Through history, words have been compared to gold, as they are considered to have such great
value and can be cherished when they are used orally or in the written form. Also, words have been
compared to measurement as one needs to use them with care and preciseness.
Have you ever stopped to think about the impact that your positive words can have on your child’s
psyche? Your words can truly make a difference as to who and what your child will become in the
near future.
Here is a story about Thomas Alva Edison, the American inventor and businessman:
As a young child, he was known to have dyslexia. During that particular era back in the 1800’s, there was not much awareness about learning difficulties. One fine day, Thomas Alva Edison, brought a letter home to his mother that was written by his classroom teacher. The teacher gave Thomas Alva Edison clear instructions that the letter needed to be given only to his mother. As Thomas Alva Edison stood by his mother full of curiosity as she read the letter, he wanted to know what it contained. He asked his mother what the teacher wrote about. His mother, ever so proud, said ‘Your teacher has noticed, that you are a genius although she is unable nor is she equipped to continue teaching you at school’. Therefore, from that day on Thomas Alva Edison continued his studies at home as he was home schooled.
Thanks to Thomas Alva Edison, he went on to invent the light bulb and with this invention brightened up our homes and hearts as we understand that one must always follow one’s dream. Thomas Alva Edison, did eventually find that letter after many, many years and this time he read it. The teacher did not describe Thomas Alva Edison as a genius, instead she described him as having ‘mental challenges’ and he was not to attend school any longer. He was grateful and thankful that his own mother believed in his potential and realized that he would one day be that genius.
Believe in your children while using positive words as this will certainly make a difference as you embrace the power of positivity each day!

Parents will eventually begin to realize that ‘no two children are identical’. Even though, they may be born into a family with similar genes and grow up with similar values, each child has their own abilities and challenges.

Schools continue to provide the very best as they want to ensure that children continue to excel and succeed.

At Eduscan, we have created a series of tools in order to further support parents and schools in this process, so to ensure that each child can continue to perform to the best of their abilities while reaching their fullest potential on a daily basis.

Certain challenges that children may face, can certainly become transformed into strengths. How can one achieve this? Here is a brief description of this carefully designed process:

 Firstly, one must better understand the child, this can be done through psycho-educational assessments, which support us in understanding the child’s challenges. At times, these challenges can be categorized as either mild, moderate, severe or even profound.

Secondly, there are a variety of tests available that clearly define these challenges right away. Once the challenge has been identified, we then begin to create a plan which will allow us to intervene in the best possible way.

Keep in mind, that the same intervention plan may not work even on two different children, therefore, we need to adapt to their particular needs.

Finally, we continue to monitor the outcomes of these intervention plans in order to ensure that the intervention plan is working or whether it needs to be slightly tweaked to a certain degree or changed so that the child can continue to thrive and transform their abilities and achievements further.

This formula seems to be simpler than one thinks, as it is clearly ‘not rocket science’ but one needs to remember that in today’s incredible scientific era, we certainly have many tools and techniques within our reach.

If you feel, that there is a current need to make a difference and change in your child’s life or school community, be in touch to further explore the various support tools that can be made available to you so that we can all continue to work together in ensuring that our children will receive what they so rightly deserve, that is the best always!

Parents be prepared to embrace the 5 to 1 rule. This is quite powerful, as you will begin to feel more equipped and empowered during your special parental journey.

As you raise your child, you will be observing and monitoring them closely. There will be certain moments during the day, when you notice something positive that your child has either done or said, you will then talk about it for approximately 5 times.

Although, when something negative creeps up, acknowledge it and only talk about it once. Do not harp on it over and over again, as this will only cause further friction and negativity. It is best to acknowledge it and speak about it once while describing it and also looking for something positive that it may have generated from it instead.

 Descriptive praise involves speaking about a positive act, ‘goodness’ five times.

One must avoid speaking about a negative act repeatedly as this will only become a more serious problem later on.

As you begin to follow this rule, you will really enjoy a more powerful relationship with your child as you continue to strengthen and build their esteem too. Knowingly or unknowingly, many parents crush the esteem of their very own child when attempting to build it. They actually believe that they are the only ones that can mentor their child. This in fact, causes the parent to pick up on all the negative aspects that may arise from within their child and it will only foster more negativity into their life.

Therefore, it is imperative that parents embrace the 5 to 1 rule so that you can continue to contribute in building your child’s self-esteem while empowering your relationship and family bond along the way.

Leaders are not born but made – Dr. Alka Kalra

Have you detected a sudden change in your child’s behaviour whereby they are holding things back from you as they begin lying and cheating? If your child begins to behave in this manner and prefers to keep things from you while fabricating a lie, it simply means that your child is lacking the confidence and fears that by sharing the truth with you, your reaction will be judgmental.

Instead, aim in cultivating a safe, non-judgmental home environment whereby your child will always feel the freedom, confidence and respect to approach you, while sharing things that may be difficult to speak about even if mistakes were made along the way.

 The truth at times may be difficult to handle, although this will lead your child to confidence and will ultimately have a more positive impact on your day-to-day relationship as a family.

From time to time, parents may see that their child behaves inappropriately. You must feel equipped to intervene as you assist your child into eventually understanding and learning how to display appropriate behaviour. This may be achieved through redirecting them into positivity so that they are safe while understanding what is appropriate and inappropriate.

Scenario: Child climbing onto a chair-

You notice that your child has climbed onto a chair. You must intervene at that very moment by saying ‘I know you enjoy climbing, but we do not climb on chairs, we sit on them. Let’s go to the park and find some interesting play structures to climb onto instead.’

Outcome:

 The parent has observed that their child enjoys climbing. The parent did take time to explain to their child that climbing can be enjoyed elsewhere in an appropriate environment and safe manner. Chairs though have a purpose whereby they are not climbed but one may sit on them when required. The child’s interest for climbing has not been eliminated but encouraged further as long as it is done safely and appropriately. The child will then gradually begin to understand what is appropriate and inappropriate. Always remember to redirect your child into a positive action so that you can continue to implement redirection while learning and cherishing the positive outcomes together.

Is your child biting, kicking or disturbing the other children within the classroom? If this has been observed by the classroom teacher and it has been brought to your attention; think about working closely with your child’s teacher and ask for some guidance and practical strategies that can also be implemented both at home and at school in a consistent manner.

While a child is in their process of development, they also experience certain emotions. Sometimes, they may feel anxious, frustrated which then leads them to displaying unwanted behaviour. They are unable to manage certain feelings and emotions simply because they may not know how due to lack of verbal abilities, lack of sleep, or even when they may feel hungry.

It is extremely important that you begin to embrace the ‘art of observation’. Start by observing your child more closely while noticing how your child may be interacting with others. Guide your child in learning how to express and manage certain emotions especially when they display their frustration.

Scenario: Playtime: Your child is playing with another child. The other child may have a particular toy that your child is wanting at that very moment. Your child begins to kick and push that other child. You must intervene and stop the unacceptable behavior. Clap your hands in order to get your child’s initial attention. Then proceed to make eye contact with your child so you know that they are listening to you as you begin to explain and correct their inappropriateness. Only once your child is ready to rejoin the other child in a proper manner that is when your child will gradually begin to understand what is either acceptable or unacceptable.

Have you ever thought about what the difference is between a responsible child as opposed to a reactive child? 

Here is a brief introduction:

 Firstly, a reactive child will constantly display a reaction to something.  For example: There is a response followed by an immediate reaction.

Secondly, if there were to be a stimulus and the child is then given their choice followed by a response, this would then be considered a responsive behaviour.   For example: If something negative may have occurred and then one immediately explodes due to this, you are clearly unhappy and reactive.

Thirdly, when there is a stimulus and you then choose not to become reactive, this would be considered a responsive tendency.

Consider creating a gratitude bowl and placing it on your dining table just before you sit down to enjoy your family dinner together. This gratitude bowl, will contain special ingredients, known as gratitude stones. Each family member, will be invited to select one of these stones.  As you select these stones together, think about that one person that you came into contact with that day and that you would like to simply thank.

This practice will not only enable your child to become more expressive within their day-to-day relationships, although it will also further strengthen their abilities as they engage in developing their interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships.

These seeds of gratitude need to be sown one day at a time as this will lead to cultivating a lovely, healthy child along the way too.

Do not compare your children with others. It is a very common practice amongst parents to compare their child with another sibling or other children; including their cousins and neighbors.

By thinking that giving this example to your child will make them become more motivated in either mirroring positive behaviour or perhaps matching similar traits, or even surpassing certain skill sets with these individuals will work, it does not. It will usually back fire.

Generally, children do not respond well to this. They will become resentful and negative towards the idea and also towards those people and sometimes even towards their own parents.

Consider letting your child explore their own inner qualities and strengths as you continue to guide them in finding their own uniqueness every day. They will become more serene and begin to believe in themselves and their own abilities instead.

Well, February is the month of love, Valentine’s day has just gone by a lot of celebration, a lot of gifts, but some of us are probably still sitting, sulking, having remorse feeling about the break ups, or the relationships which did not work.  Well I’m not here only to talk about the romantic relationships, but it can be any relationship for that matter and if you are one of those who are struggling and thinking how to deal with that unfinished emotional baggage which is continuously troubling you then, probably this talk is just for you.

Relationship is something very amazing you know how biryani is made with rice if it is a chicken briyani, chicken and almost the same spices, but yet different people have different taste and so is the relationship so there is no standard formula which one can say will only make a relationship a good relationship so i think today we are here to talk about what kind of challenges people face, and how do we deal with it? When one goes through a breakup it is a painful relationship it can be very toxic, unhealthy that somebody is being beaten up or emotionally been tortured in a relationship but you still get glued on to it because you don’t want to experience that pain or you think that the pain of breakup is even bigger than being in a relationship, and you keep delaying your decision.

A relationship could be of a business relationship there was a client who talked about that she really worked on one of her stuff, like trained her and emotionally got involved but after that, the person started behaving very strange and she literally felt being dumped. Not only a romantic relationship but, any relationship with things aren’t going good, what should you be doing and how should you deal with it. Well there are three steps which i think people talk about, every person is different, the thoughts are different, the styles of dealing are different, so is there a standard formula? I will say yes, there is a standard formula which works with everyone.

So first thing is it every toxic relationship or unhealthy relationship will make you feel sad and even angry at time because you feel cheated because a lot of women have actually mentioned that they feel it’s a total loss of emotional investment, which they did.

in the other person, whichever the relationship was and this relationship bring in a upset feeling so you are kind of stuck up your angry and your sad what happens when you are sad?

You  know your shoulders drop down, chest goes inside but, when you are angry, what happens, your shoulder goes back, chest comes up and if both the things are happening together. Just imagine you’re struck up, you can’t go forward, not backward, and you don’t really know what is happening to you and that is what happens in a breakup.

You’re angry about many things at the same time you’re feeling and element of loss and your very sad about certain things. Whatever the relationship is, it is very important that we define that what it is so we need to define and spell out to ourselves.

What is this feeling? How do i feel? Why do i feel that, and then face it. You can’t run away with it. So a lot of people tried doing that and it just doesn’t work but if you have any negative emotion which is attacking you then, you need to deal with it, you need to face it and deal with it and that is what is a process of systematic desensitization. So when you think about it, it really leaves you in a very painful state and then you keep saying ‘I don’t want to think about it’, ‘I just don’t want to think about it’, but you keep thinking about it and you do nothing about it. So i think facing it and then slowly, slowly dealing with it is something which will make you feel better try it don’t run away because running away does not really helps and let me tell you one thing, any relationship, if you have reached the stage of a breakup then it doesn’t only have all good things in it certainly there were stages where they were some toxicity, there were some negative things and when you focus on only good things, which you had and when you focus on only bad things your emotions change. So it is very important for you to define yourself that what is the cause of pain?

Step two, always remember that, don’t just get stuck onto a blaming process. A lot of people say that, I didn’t do this, I was very honest, I was committed, but the other partner, really didn’t come forward and didn’t help me. Please don’t get stuck to the blame game because when you start playing blame game you have an element of self love, you love yourself and you will feel it’s been really unkind, unjust, unhealthy on the other person to do this to you and in turn, you make yourself actually target the whole negativity So, i would very strongly suggest that if you’re going through a break up it is important for you to understand that what do you want and what you don’t want. Let’s just look for positivity that’s going to help us grow into our life.

Step number three is very important, there are two kinds of people rejecters and rejectees. So two people had a good relationship for a number of days, months or years, and then they decided to move on, break up. So, whether you are a rejecter or a rejectee.

Researchers have shown different impact, but researchers have confirmed that both have undergone the feeling of sadness, depression and negative emotion, so even women who are rejectors because they were into a toxic relationship, and they could not take it to a brim when everything had gone too bad, they move out and still feel bad about it. So it’s been your decision to move out of  it, and then you feel bad about it. So let’s understand, you should never get into the process of self blame, self doubt.

It doesn’t really matter whoever you are, whatever your qualities are there’s somebody in this world who will love you for who you are? So don’t think that the end of one relationship is actually the end of the world that doesn’t really mean that if you couldn’t click a relationship with the person you will never, ever be able to click any other relationship.

Let’s understand that in terms of two things forgive and forget, so they are only three possible ways that you either forgive the person, and you reconcile it and move on.

Other option is that you forgive the person, but you don’t reconcile, don’t forget about it and still you choose to move and the last option is, you don’t forgive and you don’t forget.

but still, you move on, or you change the whole perception about that person that probably I’m mean i don’t need to win this relationship because this relationship has been so toxic.

So come on friends, i know a break up can be very, painful, but who can help you out is you yourself. Eventually you’ve to wait, because it takes time to heal so are the emotional problems it does take time to heal. Time is the biggest healer. Each person is unique you need to deal with your emotions and your feelings and your things within yourself and that is how you heal your wounds.

Happiness is something that each human being is expecting in their life and the more we have the more we want happiness in our lives. Today I would like to talk about the formula to obtain happiness.

What is happiness? How can we be happy? Can we get happiness from somewhere or are we born happy? What exactly is this concept of happiness? Someone asked Lord Buddha, “I want to be happy.” Buddha replied, “Remove I want to… from your sentence and you will be happy.”

A lot of us live with this phenomenon of ‘I me myself’. And that’s the ego point. Can we get out of this ‘I me myself’? Do we really look into the needs and wants? Actually there is enough for everybody’s needs but there is no fulfilment for everybody’s wants. What can we do about this accumulation? We must realise that happiness is a concept in the future. I will be happy if I have the best car. I will be happy is I have a big house of my own. I will be happy if I get good results in grade 12. “WILL BE HAPPY” something in the future. But actually it is right in ‘YOU’.

Happiness is one among the six basic emotions of human beings namely fear, happiness, sadness, anger, disgust and surprise. So happiness is a born phenomenon within a person but very often we fail to recognize it and we search for it in the future. Let me tell you that happiness is a beautiful formula but before I get to the formula; I would love to share a brilliant story which I heard from Dr. Chinu (one of my ……). This story talks about the hare and the tortoise which as kids all of us have heard and that the hare slept off and the tortoise crossed him and wins the race and conclude the morale that slow and steady wins the race. But what we have not heard is that when the rabbit was asked what had happened to him?; he said that while he was running he was way ahead and the tortoise was very slow so he got engaged in enjoying the beauty of green, huge trees and he wanted to rest under it. He loved resting there. Then he heard a Cuckoo singing and he loved it too. Then he saw the multi-coloured flowers and loved its fragnance. Then he saw a pretty butterfly around them. And he got very engrossed in all these things. Suddenly he remembered that he is a part of the race. So before the tortoise can cross him, he will reach the end and be a winner. But at that moment he found a saint under the tree. The saint started his discourse and started talking to him and asked him, “where are you going?” So the rabbit replied that he wanted to win the race so that people will remember him as the fastest animal. And that is why he is running a race. “What will you get?”, asked the saint? The rabbit replied he will get a medal and fame. “What will happen then?”, asked the saint. To which the rabbit replied that he will be happy. So then the saint asked “Are you not happy in this green grass? Are you not happy to see these beautiful flowers, its fragrance and the pretty butterflies?”.

It is the same for us as well. We are happy but we all run a mad race to somewhere, to achieve something, which is not there. You buy one car but you want to buy a bigger car or a better brand. You have one-bedroom house but you want a 4-bedroom house. And what not…….

When we talk of happiness hormones what comes to our mind is Dopamine, which is released when you achieve something. And when you have achieved it, the release gets vanished. Then you want something else and when you get it again dopamine is realised and next moment it is gone. It is an endless cycle. So friends today we are going to talk about a beautiful model called ‘PERMA’. If you understand these five things, then happiness will not be out there but it will be inside you. So lets us understand these 5 points.

1. P – Positive emotions – It is very important for us to acknowledge our own emotions and turn them into positive emotions? Many a times we live our lives under the shelter of negative emotions. Do you have the power to change your unhealthy negative emotions into healthy negative emotions? And then eventually turn them into positive emotions. And that is what brings the difference in life. So let us start evaluating our emotions because our emotions are actually the by-product of our thinking processes. When we look for what is not there compared to looking at what is there; the emotions are different. IT IS RIGHT INSIDE YOU WITHIN YOUR REACH.
2. E – Engagement – Keep yourselves busy. An idle mind is a devil’s workshop. If you want to be happy; identify what is your passion? What is driving you through? A sculpture sits with a hammer and chisel the whole day with one stone and carves a beautiful statue out of it. How much time does it take? Probably the full day. But because there is a passion, a goal, something you are trying to achieve, the engagement keeps you happy. So it is very important for all of us to keep ourselves engaged. If you are a student, engage in whatever you think is your priority. If you are an adult, choose your priorities. Often many young women say that before their marriage they could engage in doing so many activities but now they do not have the time and do not have any priorities. YOU NEED TO CHOOSE YOUR PRIORITIES.
3. R – Relationship – How much time do we give to our relationships? Courtesy social media these days, everybody is sitting in close contiguity of time and space but not communicating with each other. Everybody is busy with their smart unit (mobile phones) in their hands. We connect with people who are miles and miles away but we are not connecting with people who are sitting next to us. One must invest in the relationships as it is very important that you value them and express your love, care and gratitude to them. How much does your family, your friends mean to you? Invest in them, invest in your relationships. There are researches that show that PEOPLE WHO HAVE STRINGER RELATIONSHIPS ARE HAPPIER HUMAN BEINGS IN LIFE.
4. M – Meaning – What is the meaning of your life? What is your purpose of your life? Have you really set any goals? As per Maslow’s Need Hierarchy model, we talk of self-actualization after our basic needs of love, hunger, thirst and sex are met. We all look forward to something bigger in life. What is your goal in life? YOU NEED TO DEFINE THAT GOAL IN YOUR LIFE NOW.
5. A – Accomplishments – Celebrate your accomplishments, small or big; You must celebrate it. It may be small achievements, collect your family and friends and celebrate those small achievements. Make them sound big to your own self because YOU CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.

The journey is immensely positive. Everything is in your reach. What you need is the right attitude because happiness is not only an emotion but it is an attitude and it is within your reach right inside you.

This has been a topic of concern for years. How do we manage our anger? Why do we need to manage our anger? What does anger do? Do I really need to manage my anger? Am I the one who gets angry very often?

Today, we will try to better understand this topic and more importantly we will manage this emotion in a healthier manner.

At times,after you have said something to someone, you may realize, “Oh, I wish I did not say that”;obviously regretting it.

Also, there may have been some people either at home,work or within your social circle that perhaps have already recommended and suggested that you must deal with your anger issues.

At times your perception of your thoughts may be that those people around you are foolish, or maybe you start blaming others when things go wrong.You also may think that you are not responsible. You may also continue to think that bad things happen to good people and you have been so nice and good all along.
But you always see things going wrong around you and you believe that you are getting angry very frequently.

Now, whatever the case may be whether somebody has told you or not but ANGER is TOXIC and this TOXIN may certainly harm others,but it firstly will harm you.

How can one seek help?

Anger is definitely an emotion, this quote best describes it as “It is the motion in the ocean”. Close your eyes and think about the ocean at times it is calm and at times it has enormous waves.

So today, I will share some healthy tips whereby you can try handling your turbulent issues that stir enormous emotions such as: anger.

People have described that when one is experiencing anger, it is as if one is in a trance.You will not be able to process what is happening around you. Remember, that this will harm you,your career, your relationships, your health and you will lose all your precious things.

If you are able to identify these serious anger issues, even if you apologize afterwards,you will still need to receive professional support because you are simply holding it within you.

How can we help you? What should you be doing about it?

There is one thing for sure. Anger enables you to raise your voice and you will automatically create a barrier and distance between yourself and others. Although, if you observe that you are in love and care deeply for someone your voice goes lower why? Because the hearts are coming together. Sometimes, you may speak in a whisper because even that whisper is good enough when there is coherence, there is LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING.
It is very important to bring the hearts closer; especially towards the people you love.You do not need to actually react negatively and harshly towards those people you deeply love otherwise you will be ruining your relationship. Therefore, whenever you feel angry try these three very important techniques.

First and foremost there is a Seven, Eleven Technique. Inhale while counting to 7 then exhale counting eleven. If you notice that when you get angry, your breathing drastically changes, your hands get sweaty, your whole thinking process has gone haywire and it will leave you feeling extremely worried. You MUST focus on your breathing.Breathing will help you control your anger. Just keep breathing in and breathing out and enjoy the whole process. It will make things better; but the first thing you need to do is to remove the anger from within you.

For example: I am doctor Alka, and if I am getting angry I will say ” I’m not angry”. My anger will fade away.

Although,if you were trying to support someone who gets angry, ask yourself these questions: How does it look like? How does it sound like, What should you be doing, How will you look while being angry? What kind of feelings are you having?
You’re not a bad person, anger is bad, so you will need to detach yourself from the anger. At times, when anger becomes a second party and the person becomes the first party, that detachment is very important and easy;the moment you detach you’re able to guide your anger.
So the very moment you ask, How does it look like? What does it do to you? How are you able to support and help your own self and not the anger? One needs to get out of anger first.

Step number one is to focus on your BREATHING, you will have a completely different experience and more positive outcome.

IDENTIFY what your needs are. Some people have attention seeking issues. It is an attention seeking behaviour. Therefore, when one starts throwing tantrums you try to gain the attention of the people you love. You will need to think about better ways of getting attention.

It is very important that you understand, what the CAUSE is and where it is coming from. Certain emotions take you away from the source. There are certain emotions which drag you closer to the source.
For example: When we talk about emotions which take you away from the source such as: fear. You are fearful, you are super scared of something, and this emotion will actually take you away from the source.
Although,lust, greed, anger and love are the emotions which attracts you towards the source. It is very important for you to understand
where the source is and believe it; mindfulness helps tremendously.

If you start practicing mindfulness on a daily basis, I am sure that when you face a situation for any reason whether it is external or internal you will be able to deal with it in much better way.

At last, but not least, stop thinking about extreme situations including: what people may say or do, thoughts of death etc… Fight or flight reactions is something that you know.
Those people that talk about extremes have either undergone depression or have suicidal tendencies.
They only view life in extremes.

Try bringing those extreme thoughts down and you will begin to view things differently. It is just your perception and when you are in an angry state of mind your thoughts and your feelings are misperceptions. Try understanding and supporting the healthy healing process of perception; the entire anger issue will sound and appear different.

I think it is very important for us to understand how we deal with anger while knowing how to help ourselves; this will enable us to get the proper support. Once this occurs, then those people around us will enjoy brilliant relationships.

Someone Rightly said “That a certain person said that the Right person, is going to get angry but with the Right person at the Right degree at the Right time, with the Right purpose, and the Right way, actually make light .But does this all happen just the Right way?

Certainly NOT! So, what do we do? How do we feel when we are offended by someone? Some of us are very rigid, we are breakable, and we break into pieces. Actually, it is very important that we increase our strength. It may hit us physically ;look at the bigger picture, review the picture. Totally, change the picture. Look at the other side when you are getting angry sometimes you are so focused on that one point. Anger will break you into pieces. I strongly said that Right? Facing Right, Right degree and Right time, Right purpose, right away. The DANGER is not an issue, but it becomes very difficult and it is not external. You need to actually stretch your threshold and see that your idea of getting angry actually goes much higher.

Thank you so much, let’s start to working on your anger issues together.

There are multiple laws around us. Some are physics and others, government. Yet, we have an exciting law that is always within our reach: the law of attraction. The law is simple: one can get anything under the sun in their life if they manifest for it.

It’s an amazing science. Whatever the human mind and conceive and believe, it can easily achieve. There are books and movies like ‘The Secret’ based on the law of attraction. Maybe reading and watching these is a good way to introduce yourself to the strength and beauty of this law!

Firstly, listening is a vital skill. Even though our mind tends to believe only what we want to hear due to the confirmation bias, being more alert is vital. If we listen to everything around us, we will be more alert to our surroundings and have greater control.

Having a vision board is an excellent way to have control over our own thoughts and believes. If we want a car, we can get a car. A good way to really make ourselves believe that want it is to be precise with our dreams, get a picture of the model and the colour and have it looking at through your vision board!

Next, perspective is essential. The meaning we attach to something is not external- it’s rather from within. How we interpret our surroundings is essential. A rainy day can be romantic for one while gloomy for another at the same time.

Also, we create the negativity in our life. They are planted by us, and hence can be eliminated by us very easily. In a garden where we plant nothing, we will only have weed and grass, but if we plant a good seed, we may get roses. We need to keep taking to ourselves and telling us that we are good, we are great.

We have an exclusive access to our inner self and positive affirmations can save the day!

Today, at the dawn of the post Covid era- take charge of yourself, heal yourself and experience change like never before!

Conversations about intelligence are a common part of our daily lives. Historically, we have all tried to determine how intelligent us and the others around us are. However, breaking down the abstract idea of intelligence gives rise to many other questions. For instance, most intelligence tests are only confined to verbal and logical reasoning. Yet, there are many other ways in which someone can demonstrate intelligence and exceptional behavior.

These questions have given birth to the 8 components of multiple intelligence by Howard Gardner. Apart from the academic focused verbal and mathematical intelligence, other types of intelligence’s  include interpersonal, intra-personal, kinesthetic, musical, visual, and naturalistic.

Interpersonal intelligence means the ability to interact and bond well with others while intra-personal means the power to understand oneself and be strong to fight adversity.

Kinesthetic relates to bodily functioning like sports, dancing, and swimming while musical and visual are more on the arts side of the spectrum.

Lastly, naturalistic accounts for all very strong five senses and culinary expertise.

Given that there are so many different and diverse ways in which we all can be intelligent, it is important to keep these various forms in mind as parents and teachers. All our children have some talent and recognizing their special intelligence at an early stage in life will help support them and hone their skills. These intelligence’s are often reflected in hobbies and extra-curricular activities that students take up in school. Appreciating them and starting a conversation about them will help empower many young hearts and will turn them into confident and multi-talented individuals! 

Our attitude around every aspect of our lives influences how we experience living. Similarly, always bearing an idea of gratitude in our hearts and minds is imperative. If we focus on the things we have and constantly remind ourselves to appreciate them, the grief around the things that we do not have can be easily eliminated from our day-to-day living.

As the saying goes- count your blessings. The ability to fully acknowledge and empathize with what we have is an acquired skill and requires a major shift in point of view. During such crucial period of the global pandemic, this opportunity is overwhelmingly available. We are at home and have spare time and capacity in our minds to keep running all sorts of thoughts. Amidst this process, a spur of negative thinking can destroy your day, weeks and even months. However, with a twist of the ‘attitude of gratitude’, positive thinking can come to our rescue.

For starters, to routinize gratefulness, we can prepare a book of gratitude. In this book, we can write at least one thing in our day or life which we feel grateful for.  As days pass, our approach should be to read through the logs of the previous days every time we add to the journal for a new day. This way, there is a tangible light of hope reminding us that there is lots in life we can be thankful for.

The second stage of introspection is to dwell into the era of ‘why’ we are grateful to illicit feelings of very rational positivity. With this synergy working like a self-help personal diary, you for sure have one magical object to charm you when you are sad!

So let’s inculcate the attitude of gratitude and spread a positive magnitude!

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In the era of COVID-19, we are all facing mixed emotions. Some of us are stressed and anxious whilst others are helpless and have lost hope due to the situations around them. The pressing question is what can be done and how one can be trained to be better off in the long run. While we may believe that most of our thoughts are under our control and we know exactly what we are thinking at any point in time, it is also important to consider the power of the subconscious mind. During a stressful time like this, detoxifying the subconscious is the key to maintaining mental and emotional well-being.

It is clear that our subconscious is driven by the emotions we attach to every situation. In the story of the prisoner as narrated by neurologist Dr Viktor Frankl, we see how a man passed away exactly at the date the inner voice in his dream had chosen for him to ‘escape’ the harsh conditions of the prison. Here, the man attached the idea of ‘escaping’ with a date and when he did not see any positive way out of captivity, the negative energy flowing within him brought him to his death bed.

This tells us that even in the most difficult situations, we are always driving what happens in our lives and have the power to take our destiny in our hands based on how we think. An optimistic approach towards the current situation and being able to filter out fact from emotion in the hope of a strong comeback in the future is the ideal way of detoxifying our subconscious. While it is important to be aware of statistics and transmission rates around us, one must not be glued to social media and news channels that constantly pumps out negative dimensions. It is in our hands to control what we see, think and hear. A cautionary and careful approach will automatically contribute towards the perfect detox for our subconscious!

During this crucial period, I would like to highlight how teachers around the world are facing challenges with the unprecedented and new mode of delivering even the most formal education through the internet. Teachers are always given a huge amount of respect across various cultures and how them being happy results in an entire community and a whole new generation prospering towards success.

Firstly, I would like to mention the importance of time management technique which suggests that any activity, including that of online teaching should happen in 25-minute sessions followed by 5-minute breaks. These can be organized for up to three times in a row upon which a class should get 30 minutes of downtime where teachers get to re-energize and feel fresh.

Next up, teachers must also ensure that they have a designated workstation at home to give them a sense of structure, clarity and continuity. This place can also be portable in the form of a ‘toolkit’ that includes all essentials so that one can get set go easily and conveniently.

With that, mental and emotional well being of our teachers is a priority. This includes everything from healthy conversation with friends and family to a planned diet that can accommodate for both health and taste. What one eats significantly affects their psyche, impacting how they work and interact with everyone- especially their students.

Also, as it is always said, physical well being relates to happiness. Breathing exercises that increase body oxygen levels can certainly lead to a fresh start to the day, which not only benefit the teacher themselves, but all the students they work with.

And finally, designating time is important. Students must know when to reach out and expect a response as well as when not to disturb their teachers. This will enable teachers to focus on all parts of their lives and be emotionally stable, without having to stress themselves in situations where students demand or solicit immediate replies at odd hours. When it comes to Online Teaching and Learning itself, there is an ocean of resources available online and we must remember to access them! Experts are happy to help, and aids and videos are available everywhere, so most teachers will find it easy to get started!

Stay home! Stay safe! Have a healthy Online Teaching and Learning Experience!

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We are in the middle of tremendous stress and the COVID-19 situation has visibly changed our lives. Yet, there are cases of positivity, success and recovery blooming all around us. As the Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates and Ruler of Dubai Sheikh Mohammed proclaimed that ‘we will win’ in a tweet this morning, Dr. Alka Kalra also came up with a toolkit to reboot. Here’s a list of simple to-dos that will help you relax and rejoice this time with yourself as the world, and its people, heal towards victory.

1. Deep Breathing Exercises

Yes, we now have the time to pamper ourselves. This does not always mean going to a spa or booking a vacation- it can be something as simple as a deep breathing exercise with a little bit of meditation for 10-15 minutes daily, to create and absorb the positive energy around us. Come, let us greet every new day with a few fresh breaths!

2. An Attitude of Gratitude

Most of us are fighting our own battles as our front-liners work around the clock to protect us. Expressing gratitude for what you have and for what others are doing for you is an ingenious self care remedy! Saying thank-you is an empowering gesture, which makes you and the other person happy at the same time! That’s two smiles for one deal.

3. Think Long-Term

While the future is still cloudy with doubts and question-marks, this time with family is good enough to chalk-out a long-term vision for yourself. Think of the positive self you will be in the next decade, and the wonders that your actions will create around the world as the universe does its fair share and rolls all the good vibes towards you- starting today, until…forever?

4. Internalize Positivity

Mental strength is our modern strategy! If one remains mentally strong and positive about their approach to incoming problems, then they have their own little army to battle personal, or even global catastrophes. Reminding ourselves of the good things that have happened to us in the past and using this inventory to reflect them on our present and future can be an amazing pass-time!

5. Get Connected- virtually, for now ?

Yes, we are isolated but only physically. We still have an opportunity to remain emotionally and mentally invested in ourselves and our relationships. Getting connected is just a phone-call or text message away but can help build your confidence and mental stamina! Call the right person, start with a gush of joy and it will be your best virtual coffee date!

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At this point of time it is important to stay physically fit. And I strongly believe that it is essential to keep yourself mentally fit and have an emotional balance to keep yourself physically fit. However, I totally understand that, these days having an emotional balance and keeping ourselves mentally fit is a greater challenge than keeping ourselves physically fit. But how do we overcome this challenge, this fear, and this anxiety? How can we kill this worm of anxiety that is growing within us?

Firstly, calm down yourself, and reflect upon yourself. Think what is stopping you from overcoming this wave of anxiety that is flowing to and fro in your system? What is the actual barrier, which I can break through and have an emotional balance? What is stopping me from being mentally fit?

Well, now it’s the time when we all need to understand that we are the ones who have built these barriers for ourselves and only we are responsible to breakthrough this barrier for and defeat the anxiety that is building within us. And this can be achieved by following some simple steps and changing our thought process which will help us to adapt a new approach towards life.

Consider that there is a worm of anxiety sitting within you. And each time you talk about the present scenario with your friends and family, you are feeding this tiny worm. Each time you check your social media post or Wats App forwards that are full of negative statements you are helping this tiny worm to grow bigger. Every time you see the news, or check on headlines for regular updates you are just feeding this worm inside you, and it results in growing fatter and fatter. And in no time you will realize that this worm has taken over you and has started ruling you.

Hence, in this case the first step to kill this worm is stop feeding it time and again. You need not keep a check on all the possible sources all day to tap on the current status. Well, it is absolutely important to keep a tap of what’s happening around the world and be aware, but that can be done possibly once or twice a day. There is no need of following every news channel and social media platforms 24 X 7. So set rules for yourself and your family. Being at home should not stop you from leading a disciplined life. So let’s reflect upon ourselves and turn this obstacle into an opportunity. Here are a few suggestions that can help you:

• Set time for keeping a tap on the current status and updates of the actions taken by the government. For instance it can be twice a day for not more than 15 min.
• Spend time with your family and children. Find activities to involve them. This will help them accelerate their knowledge and skills.
• Think upon what did you always wanted to do, to improve yourself. What are the areas you can work upon for your personal growth? And all you need to do is, just type that word in the search box on Google and you will see a buffet of online courses available.
• Utilize this time to tap your and your children’s hidden potential. Social distancing cannot stop you from learning. Where there is a will, there is a way! So look for distance learning options as per your desire. There are amazing live interactive online training sessions that can certainly help you to upgrade your knowledge and skills. You never know, you might probably outshine after this quarantine period as you have equipped yourself with the required knowledge and skills.
• Be grateful to the supreme personality that, in spite of being in such a crucial situation we are able to connect with everyone and anyone across the globe, as the present era is blessed with the internet and the latest technology that covers the distance of thousands of miles just at a click. So, make the most of the technology, to connect with your loved ones and be innovative, by having certain group sessions online. For example; do a cardio workout, yoga, play games, solve a puzzle, have a party, learn a song, or set up a dance with your friends and family using wonderful web meetings app like Zoom, Webinar, Cloud meetings, etc.
• Read a book that you always wished too. Even though, you might not have this book at home, don’t worry! Fortunately, we have Google! Search for it, and you will surely find an e-version of that book. So here you go! And I am sure you will come across many other good reads while you are doing your online research. So grab this opportunity to enhance your knowledge and language too!
• There are various effective online training available for the generation next, who at this point of time needs to divert their attention from the negativity around them and invest this time constructively and make the most of the e-learning platform. So sit with your teenagers at home and talk with them to understand their interest and identify their potential, so you can guide them to choose the right option from the ones available online. Thus this will help them to build confidence and prepare them for a better tomorrow.
• Try to have a set up or a role play at home with your family as if you are to a fine dine restaurant, or probably on a picnic to the park or may be a beach party. Get everyone set in the same mood. Use the required props, dress up accordingly create that ambience and enjoy the feel.
• Remember, there are things that are under your control and there are things that are probably beyond your control. So focus on things that are under your control and take complete charge of the situation. Do not wait for things to happen, rather make things happen.
• And lastly, live in the moment, and enjoy your time with yourself and your families. Thinking much about what will happen, where we are heading and what is our future going to be like, will lead you nowhere other than depression. So live in present and take control of the situation with a positive approach.

STAY HOME, STAY SAFE, STAY HAPPY, STAY HEALTHY AND STAY CONNECTED!

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It is often said that teenagers are the future of tomorrow.
“Growing up isn’t easy, but with the help of right guidance and support young adults can learn to navigate through this crucial phase and come out on the other side as a highly effective adult. If we want our growing teen at home to be highly effective, then firstly they should be empowered as young adults by reminding them that it is perfectly normal to make mistakes. If and when your teenager behaves in an intrusive or presumptuous manner, then help them navigate the treacherous waters of adolescence. The best way to navigate them is, through literary and personal experiences, hopefully teenagers can learn to take complete control of themselves and be responsible for their behaviour. This will ultimately help them discover the effective adult waiting underneath the surface.

As a parent or guardian you need to take necessary steps to equip your children with the right tools to ensure that they can play an active role in shaping the future of our planet rather than just being followers.
Teenage years have been associated with experimental years and being a teenager is one of the greatest moments in someone’s life. Even during the later stages of life, many people still look back at their adolescent years with fond memories; their memories may not be vivid, but those memory fragments do bring smiles on their faces. Hence, it is the time when you acknowledge the fact that ‘it is okay if our growing teens make mistakes, for they have a future ahead of them to rectify those mistakes’.

Sometimes, the future looks bleak for teenagers. What hinders teenagers is negative thinking. They always have an excuse for not doing something, citing past bad experiences or what happened to someone else. Teenagers must face tomorrow with a positive frame of mind and we are responsible to help our growing teenagers to be the future and be prepared to fight and head towards success. At this point of time it is important that our youth look within themselves and decide where they want to be in life. Things don’t just happen; one has to work hard, and the hard work should start as early as possible. And to begin the journey, what could be better than this quarantine period?

As people face the uncertainty of the future, the most important thing is to focus on today and what one can see. A person must be determined to go all the way, even if it means cutting through the desert. Perseverance is the key to success. It conquers obstacles, sometimes, without fighting them.
So help your teenager at home to be ready and prepared to take whatever life throws at them. Empower them with motivating words like, ‘if life throws bricks and concrete blocks at you, build a wall or bridge. If it throws plants, flowers, and trees; then make a beautiful garden. Never give up. Keep on pushing. Keep on knocking on the doors. Keep on climbing the mountains. Keep on dreaming. One day, you will live the dream.’ When such statements are quoted repeatedly, it reinforces a positive attitude in a teenager which results in building their confidence and self-esteem. This way you are enlightening the leader in your growing teen and developing their leadership skills too.

Leadership is an important skill for the students in middle and high school to acquire. While they continue to hone their leadership style and skills not just through their teenage years, but even during the later stages of their careers, students can benefit from gaining an early understanding of what makes a great leader and what holds someone back from becoming a respected leader.

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Stress Management During Exams
Dr. Alka Kalra, Educational Psychologist Eduscan Institute, Dubai

As exam season nears, a wave of anxiety spreads through not only students but parents and teachers as well. It is extremely necessary to manage this stress correctly as it can affect students adversely. Dr. Alka Kalra, a renowned CDA Licensed Educational-Psychologist shares a few tips for students, parents and teachers alike on how to manage stress during the exams.

For Students:

Analyze the situation and be realistic.

Face your fears!
Doing this simple exercise can help you overcome your obstacles. Take a piece of paper and write down all the causes of your anxiety. Next to each identified problem, write down the ways you think that are possible solutions. Then, take a break from your preparations to discuss your fears and concerns with your parents or your teachers.

Relax.
It only takes 15 minutes a day to do this exercise. Focus on your deep breathing coming from your diaphragm and relax.
Words of affirmation:
With more realistic thoughts such as: “Even if I am afraid, I will do everything I can to overcome any obstacle to achieve my goals”.
Spend at least 30 minutes exercise regularly.

Meditate:
Focus is the most essential factor in what and how to process what is being learned.
Meditation helps to keep your brain at the center. It enhances your focus, keeps you calm, and helps you to be in the right state of mind to concentrate on your studies. So, just breathe in, breathe out and make an effort to take the mind to a calmer state before you proceed to study. It is helpful to our holistic wellness.

For Parents:

Be calm.
As parents, your emotional state and approach to your child have a significant effect on their attitude towards learning, dealing with their exams and accepting the results. The following are a few things to keep in mind to help your children be calm and set the right expectation in the exams.

Say words of encouragement
As your child faces enough pressure from school and peers, along with their anxieties regarding performance, strive to provide a supportive atmosphere at home. Appreciate and encourage your child’s efforts in wanting to excel in school. The smallest efforts and achievement recognized by their parents is a huge factor in helping them set and achieve their goals.

Talk to them about their feelings
All children experience different levels of anxiety before exams. Where this anxiety stems from, however, may be different for each child. Sit and talk to your child about his / her feelings and expectations. This can be done in a casual and comfortable manner and atmosphere. Make them feel and assure them that they are heard, understood and have your full support.

For Teachers:

Assess students for coping skills and screen for vulnerable students.
Make an effort to observe and screen your students on tendencies on getting stuck and a decrease in performance due to anxiety during the examination period. Find out who among your students are prone to last-minute revisions, committing repetitive mistakes and change of behavior.

Impart study skills and habits.
Revise and rehearse effective study skills. Help your students learn to organize their time and material. Introduce a calendar of activities and a checklist according to the importance of topics and schedule. This will help them to become realistic in setting and meeting their goals and deadlines.

Provide Life skills training
Encourage students to maintain healthy habits and routines during the preparation and examination period. Emphasize the importance of leisure time, regular breaks, a good diet, adequate sleep and exercise in maintaining emotionally healthy, stable and keeping the right mindset and approach to examinations.

About the Author
Dr. Alka Kalra is a renowned psychologist and a Professional Counsellor, who is known as a crusader for children who are misperceived as underachievers. With her passion for children who have hidden learning difficulties, Dr. Alka wanted them to never undermine themselves and realized that they have unique skills and strengths. To work with these children, she established Eduscan in 1995. Within two decades in the UAE, Dr. Alka has changed the lives of numerous children who struggled at school due to their low performance. They are now in different parts of the works with successful careers. She also believes in training teachers as they touch many lives. Community Development Authority (Dubai) certified psychologist Dr. Alka is known for the assessment of personality, aptitude, intelligence, and hidden learning difficulties. Dr. Alka has had the honor of receiving the university gold medal in Masters of Psychology and has a second Masters in Education as well. She has earned her Ph.D. and her Post-Doctoral Research from the University of Pittsburgh, USA. To know more about her work, follow her on her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, or visit her website:

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