This has been a topic of concern for years. How do we manage our anger? Why do we need to manage our anger? What does anger do? Do I really need to manage my anger? Am I the one who gets angry very often?
Today, we will try to better understand this topic and more importantly we will manage this emotion in a healthier manner.
At times,after you have said something to someone, you may realize, “Oh, I wish I did not say that”;obviously regretting it.
Also, there may have been some people either at home,work or within your social circle that perhaps have already recommended and suggested that you must deal with your anger issues.
At times your perception of your thoughts may be that those people around you are foolish, or maybe you start blaming others when things go wrong.You also may think that you are not responsible. You may also continue to think that bad things happen to good people and you have been so nice and good all along.
But you always see things going wrong around you and you believe that you are getting angry very frequently.
Now, whatever the case may be whether somebody has told you or not but ANGER is TOXIC and this TOXIN may certainly harm others,but it firstly will harm you.
How can one seek help?
Anger is definitely an emotion, this quote best describes it as “It is the motion in the ocean”. Close your eyes and think about the ocean at times it is calm and at times it has enormous waves.
So today, I will share some healthy tips whereby you can try handling your turbulent issues that stir enormous emotions such as: anger.
People have described that when one is experiencing anger, it is as if one is in a trance.You will not be able to process what is happening around you. Remember, that this will harm you,your career, your relationships, your health and you will lose all your precious things.
If you are able to identify these serious anger issues, even if you apologize afterwards,you will still need to receive professional support because you are simply holding it within you.
How can we help you? What should you be doing about it?
There is one thing for sure. Anger enables you to raise your voice and you will automatically create a barrier and distance between yourself and others. Although, if you observe that you are in love and care deeply for someone your voice goes lower why? Because the hearts are coming together. Sometimes, you may speak in a whisper because even that whisper is good enough when there is coherence, there is LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING.
It is very important to bring the hearts closer; especially towards the people you love.You do not need to actually react negatively and harshly towards those people you deeply love otherwise you will be ruining your relationship. Therefore, whenever you feel angry try these three very important techniques.
First and foremost there is a Seven, Eleven Technique. Inhale while counting to 7 then exhale counting eleven. If you notice that when you get angry, your breathing drastically changes, your hands get sweaty, your whole thinking process has gone haywire and it will leave you feeling extremely worried. You MUST focus on your breathing.Breathing will help you control your anger. Just keep breathing in and breathing out and enjoy the whole process. It will make things better; but the first thing you need to do is to remove the anger from within you.
For example: I am doctor Alka, and if I am getting angry I will say ” I’m not angry”. My anger will fade away.
Although,if you were trying to support someone who gets angry, ask yourself these questions: How does it look like? How does it sound like, What should you be doing, How will you look while being angry? What kind of feelings are you having?
You’re not a bad person, anger is bad, so you will need to detach yourself from the anger. At times, when anger becomes a second party and the person becomes the first party, that detachment is very important and easy;the moment you detach you’re able to guide your anger.
So the very moment you ask, How does it look like? What does it do to you? How are you able to support and help your own self and not the anger? One needs to get out of anger first.
Step number one is to focus on your BREATHING, you will have a completely different experience and more positive outcome.
IDENTIFY what your needs are. Some people have attention seeking issues. It is an attention seeking behaviour. Therefore, when one starts throwing tantrums you try to gain the attention of the people you love. You will need to think about better ways of getting attention.
It is very important that you understand, what the CAUSE is and where it is coming from. Certain emotions take you away from the source. There are certain emotions which drag you closer to the source.
For example: When we talk about emotions which take you away from the source such as: fear. You are fearful, you are super scared of something, and this emotion will actually take you away from the source.
Although,lust, greed, anger and love are the emotions which attracts you towards the source. It is very important for you to understand
where the source is and believe it; mindfulness helps tremendously.
If you start practicing mindfulness on a daily basis, I am sure that when you face a situation for any reason whether it is external or internal you will be able to deal with it in much better way.
At last, but not least, stop thinking about extreme situations including: what people may say or do, thoughts of death etc… Fight or flight reactions is something that you know.
Those people that talk about extremes have either undergone depression or have suicidal tendencies.
They only view life in extremes.
Try bringing those extreme thoughts down and you will begin to view things differently. It is just your perception and when you are in an angry state of mind your thoughts and your feelings are misperceptions. Try understanding and supporting the healthy healing process of perception; the entire anger issue will sound and appear different.
I think it is very important for us to understand how we deal with anger while knowing how to help ourselves; this will enable us to get the proper support. Once this occurs, then those people around us will enjoy brilliant relationships.
Someone Rightly said “That a certain person said that the Right person, is going to get angry but with the Right person at the Right degree at the Right time, with the Right purpose, and the Right way, actually make light .But does this all happen just the Right way?
Certainly NOT! So, what do we do? How do we feel when we are offended by someone? Some of us are very rigid, we are breakable, and we break into pieces. Actually, it is very important that we increase our strength. It may hit us physically ;look at the bigger picture, review the picture. Totally, change the picture. Look at the other side when you are getting angry sometimes you are so focused on that one point. Anger will break you into pieces. I strongly said that Right? Facing Right, Right degree and Right time, Right purpose, right away. The DANGER is not an issue, but it becomes very difficult and it is not external. You need to actually stretch your threshold and see that your idea of getting angry actually goes much higher.
Thank you so much, let’s start to working on your anger issues together.