Screen Time – A New Challenge For Gross Motor Skills

The Covid Pandemic has changed a lot of things in our daily lives and the way regular activities are conducted on a day to day basis. Since the mobility is drastically reduced and lot of communication and dealings are happening virtually; the screen time for any individual has increased big time and so is it for the children who attend their classes online. Ideally the screen time should be not more than 2 hours per day however now it is increased to 5 to 7 hours minimum for these children to attend their classes, leave aside the other adults and professionals.

I would like to share the aspect of what kind of challenge is this particular situation creating for the Gross motor skills? For that let us first understand what is Gross motor skills? Gross motor skill is the coordination between the mind and body, the gross muscles of the body have their movement as per the instructions of the brain. Many researches have already shared that physical activities of your body are equally important in the academic achievements and is incorporated in the school activities and curriculum. But now since virtual classes are conducted it is a challenge to continue with the same kind of engagement for gross motor skills. The working memory of an individual is directly connected to the physical activity that one does. And so also focus, concentration, other achievements are connected to the physical activities.

Hence today I will be sharing with you some activities for growing children that will help you to overcome the challenge faced with gross motor skills for your children at home. The University of Harward has done lot of research on how necessary is gross motor skill development during the early years of the child. In school there are many other activities along with gross motor skill development that will be take care of. However it is very important for the parent also to focus on this one factor at home as well. Activities that can be included in gross motor skills at home can be :-

  • jumping (on a trampoline) If you do not have trampoline, then a spring mattress also will do. You can keep it in a corner in the house. Jumping on it will really be a stress buster for your little one. Jumping can also be done with a low height stool and the child can go up and down of that small stool.
  • You can take red and green coloured tapes (non-electric) and make a design (like a grid) on the floor. You can make them walk and run in those lines. These activities are lots of fun. They are not only learning to walk and do the physical movements but also it creates an impression in their minds about the horizontal lines, vertical lines and slanting lines which si a very significant concept of common patterns.
  • A spin ball activity – tie a ball with the cord to the ceiling and the child can swing and catch the ball which also will give the gross motor movements.
  • You can ask your child to stand on one leg and tie the shoe laces of their shoes

It may sound not so impressive but it is very important to teach the child in their early years kicking, jumping, running, crawling, flipping over the body, hoping, skipping, etc. It should be mandatorily conducted on a regular basis. Parents just need to organize at least 20 to 30 minutes a day for these activities for the children. If during this period, it is not provided then the child will have issues in focus and concentration in the later years.

We might have heard about Dyslexia, Dyscalculia, Dyspraxia, dysgraphia, etc. Dyslexia is a learning language disorder. But I will talk today about Dyspraxia and Dysgraphia. Dyspraxia is regarding the children who have difficulty in using the gross muscles and the mind-body coordination with which the body movements. They are clumsy, hesitant to interact with other children and hate sports and field activities but they love to be seated as they have a challenge with their gross motor skills.

Dysgraphia is regarding the children with have a difficulty with small muscles usage to do the fine movements of the fingers like writing, colouring, pasting, cutting, etc. and similar fine motor skill challenges.

We have to ensure that we support our children and give them the opportunity to develop both the motor skills through innovative and creative methods. These activities are all interconnected and required for the overall development of the children in their early years.

 

So parents, be more watchful and use these tools and techniques which are available at home and will help your little child develop well. And you will see that you have a less anxious and less aggressive child at home as their frustrations are all releases out through these activities as they do not know how to manage their emotions at that age. We need to ensure 30 minutes of the day is dedicated to developing the gross motor skills of our children daily.

How to deal with Breakup?

Well, February is the month of love, Valentine’s day has just gone by a lot of celebration, a lot of gifts, but some of us are probably still sitting, sulking, having remorse feeling about the break ups, or the relationships which did not work.  Well I’m not here only to talk about the romantic relationships, but it can be any relationship for that matter and if you are one of those who are struggling and thinking how to deal with that unfinished emotional baggage which is continuously troubling you then, probably this talk is just for you.

Relationship is something very amazing you know how biryani is made with rice if it is a chicken briyani, chicken and almost the same spices, but yet different people have different taste and so is the relationship so there is no standard formula which one can say will only make a relationship a good relationship so i think today we are here to talk about what kind of challenges people face, and how do we deal with it? When one goes through a breakup it is a painful relationship it can be very toxic, unhealthy that somebody is being beaten up or emotionally been tortured in a relationship but you still get glued on to it because you don’t want to experience that pain or you think that the pain of breakup is even bigger than being in a relationship, and you keep delaying your decision.

A relationship could be of a business relationship there was a client who talked about that she really worked on one of her stuff, like trained her and emotionally got involved but after that, the person started behaving very strange and she literally felt being dumped. Not only a romantic relationship but, any relationship with things aren’t going good, what should you be doing and how should you deal with it. Well there are three steps which i think people talk about, every person is different, the thoughts are different, the styles of dealing are different, so is there a standard formula? I will say yes, there is a standard formula which works with everyone.

So first thing is it every toxic relationship or unhealthy relationship will make you feel sad and even angry at time because you feel cheated because a lot of women have actually mentioned that they feel it’s a total loss of emotional investment, which they did.

in the other person, whichever the relationship was and this relationship bring in a upset feeling so you are kind of stuck up your angry and your sad what happens when you are sad?

You  know your shoulders drop down, chest goes inside but, when you are angry, what happens, your shoulder goes back, chest comes up and if both the things are happening together. Just imagine you’re struck up, you can’t go forward, not backward, and you don’t really know what is happening to you and that is what happens in a breakup.

You’re angry about many things at the same time you’re feeling and element of loss and your very sad about certain things. Whatever the relationship is, it is very important that we define that what it is so we need to define and spell out to ourselves.

What is this feeling? How do i feel? Why do i feel that, and then face it. You can’t run away with it. So a lot of people tried doing that and it just doesn’t work but if you have any negative emotion which is attacking you then, you need to deal with it, you need to face it and deal with it and that is what is a process of systematic desensitization. So when you think about it, it really leaves you in a very painful state and then you keep saying ‘I don’t want to think about it’, ‘I just don’t want to think about it’, but you keep thinking about it and you do nothing about it. So i think facing it and then slowly, slowly dealing with it is something which will make you feel better try it don’t run away because running away does not really helps and let me tell you one thing, any relationship, if you have reached the stage of a breakup then it doesn’t only have all good things in it certainly there were stages where they were some toxicity, there were some negative things and when you focus on only good things, which you had and when you focus on only bad things your emotions change. So it is very important for you to define yourself that what is the cause of pain?

Step two, always remember that, don’t just get stuck onto a blaming process. A lot of people say that, I didn’t do this, I was very honest, I was committed, but the other partner, really didn’t come forward and didn’t help me. Please don’t get stuck to the blame game because when you start playing blame game you have an element of self love, you love yourself and you will feel it’s been really unkind, unjust, unhealthy on the other person to do this to you and in turn, you make yourself actually target the whole negativity So, i would very strongly suggest that if you’re going through a break up it is important for you to understand that what do you want and what you don’t want. Let’s just look for positivity that’s going to help us grow into our life.

Step number three is very important, there are two kinds of people rejecters and rejectees. So two people had a good relationship for a number of days, months or years, and then they decided to move on, break up. So, whether you are a rejecter or a rejectee.

Researchers have shown different impact, but researchers have confirmed that both have undergone the feeling of sadness, depression and negative emotion, so even women who are rejectors because they were into a toxic relationship, and they could not take it to a brim when everything had gone too bad, they move out and still feel bad about it. So it’s been your decision to move out of  it, and then you feel bad about it. So let’s understand, you should never get into the process of self blame, self doubt.

It doesn’t really matter whoever you are, whatever your qualities are there’s somebody in this world who will love you for who you are? So don’t think that the end of one relationship is actually the end of the world that doesn’t really mean that if you couldn’t click a relationship with the person you will never, ever be able to click any other relationship.

Let’s understand that in terms of two things forgive and forget, so they are only three possible ways that you either forgive the person, and you reconcile it and move on.

Other option is that you forgive the person, but you don’t reconcile, don’t forget about it and still you choose to move and the last option is, you don’t forgive and you don’t forget.

but still, you move on, or you change the whole perception about that person that probably I’m mean i don’t need to win this relationship because this relationship has been so toxic.

So come on friends, i know a break up can be very, painful, but who can help you out is you yourself. Eventually you’ve to wait, because it takes time to heal so are the emotional problems it does take time to heal. Time is the biggest healer. Each person is unique you need to deal with your emotions and your feelings and your things within yourself and that is how you heal your wounds.

Best Ways To Prevent Bullying In School

School is a place where we send the children to get their education that moulds a child for life time.

Bullying is a process in which we actually harm and humiliate another person and this is done consciously. Bullying is actually a very criminal offence and sometimes it can be extremely harmful. Bullying can happen not only in school, but anywhere and even at a place of work, whenever someone is putting a conscious effort to harm another person, be it verbal or physical. The impact of bullying can be short term or long term. The child being bullied can have sleep disturbances, low self esteem, anxiety, depression, poor eating, no friends, no socializing, etc. These children may actually have poor academic performances also. The latest version of bullying is the Cyber bullying where the number of cases are unimaginable and also increasing very fast.

So what can we do about this? We need to begin with ensuring a warm environment at home, positive parenting and also strong healthy relationships within the family members. This builds resilience in the children, and they feel that they have a safe platform where they can speak freely and share their feelings. Many a times the child bullied thinks that he is equally responsible and somehow tries to keep the information to himself and searches for approval. Amongst junior children in school, a serious concern of bullying is frequent bed wetting. And that’s why parents- you are the social engineers and the first responsibility lies with you.

In school mostly bullying is seen at the physical level on the playground, because in the classroom there is always a significant supervision by the teacher or assistant teacher.

  • Parents also need to be regularly checking with your child about their emotional state or if there is something troubling them.
  • These days in schools we have their wellness team and their major responsibility is to ensure zero tolerance to bullying.
  • A basic awareness among students should be spread along with some guidance on the response pattern.
  • A child should generally walk away from the scene instead of getting engaged and involved in retaliating, which may worsen the situation.
  • Schools must regularly conduct anti-bullying programs through street plays, small skits and now online awareness as well.
  • Wellness teams have counsellors who should be approachable by any child who is going through painful bullying. Every child should be first given an opportunity to deal with it at his own level and then if not solved, to be shared with any significant adult.
  • Further anonymity has to be strictly maintained to encourage such kind of offences. Teachers must discuss and talk often on this topic with the students, and how can they safeguard themselves against bullying.

Emotional health is of topmost significance during this pandemic time and therefore bullying must be addressed on priority basis at both places, home and school.

HAPPINESS FORMULA

Happiness is something that each human being is expecting in their life and the more we have the more we want happiness in our lives. Today I would like to talk about the formula to obtain happiness.

What is happiness? How can we be happy? Can we get happiness from somewhere or are we born happy? What exactly is this concept of happiness? Someone asked Lord Buddha, “I want to be happy.” Buddha replied, “Remove I want to… from your sentence and you will be happy.”

A lot of us live with this phenomenon of ‘I me myself’. And that’s the ego point. Can we get out of this ‘I me myself’? Do we really look into the needs and wants? Actually there is enough for everybody’s needs but there is no fulfilment for everybody’s wants. What can we do about this accumulation? We must realise that happiness is a concept in the future. I will be happy if I have the best car. I will be happy is I have a big house of my own. I will be happy if I get good results in grade 12. “WILL BE HAPPY” something in the future. But actually it is right in ‘YOU’.

Happiness is one among the six basic emotions of human beings namely fear, happiness, sadness, anger, disgust and surprise. So happiness is a born phenomenon within a person but very often we fail to recognize it and we search for it in the future. Let me tell you that happiness is a beautiful formula but before I get to the formula; I would love to share a brilliant story which I heard from Dr. Chinu (one of my ……). This story talks about the hare and the tortoise which as kids all of us have heard and that the hare slept off and the tortoise crossed him and wins the race and conclude the morale that slow and steady wins the race. But what we have not heard is that when the rabbit was asked what had happened to him?; he said that while he was running he was way ahead and the tortoise was very slow so he got engaged in enjoying the beauty of green, huge trees and he wanted to rest under it. He loved resting there. Then he heard a Cuckoo singing and he loved it too. Then he saw the multi-coloured flowers and loved its fragnance. Then he saw a pretty butterfly around them. And he got very engrossed in all these things. Suddenly he remembered that he is a part of the race. So before the tortoise can cross him, he will reach the end and be a winner. But at that moment he found a saint under the tree. The saint started his discourse and started talking to him and asked him, “where are you going?” So the rabbit replied that he wanted to win the race so that people will remember him as the fastest animal. And that is why he is running a race. “What will you get?”, asked the saint? The rabbit replied he will get a medal and fame. “What will happen then?”, asked the saint. To which the rabbit replied that he will be happy. So then the saint asked “Are you not happy in this green grass? Are you not happy to see these beautiful flowers, its fragrance and the pretty butterflies?”.

It is the same for us as well. We are happy but we all run a mad race to somewhere, to achieve something, which is not there. You buy one car but you want to buy a bigger car or a better brand. You have one-bedroom house but you want a 4-bedroom house. And what not…….

 

When we talk of happiness hormones what comes to our mind is Dopamine, which is released when you achieve something. And when you have achieved it, the release gets vanished. Then you want something else and when you get it again dopamine is realised and next moment it is gone. It is an endless cycle. So friends today we are going to talk about a beautiful model called ‘PERMA’. If you understand these five things, then happiness will not be out there but it will be inside you. So lets us understand these 5 points.

  1. P – Positive emotions – It is very important for us to acknowledge our own emotions and turn them into positive emotions? Many a times we live our lives under the shelter of negative emotions. Do you have the power to change your unhealthy negative emotions into healthy negative emotions? And then eventually turn them into positive emotions. And that is what brings the difference in life. So let us start evaluating our emotions because our emotions are actually the by-product of our thinking processes. When we look for what is not there compared to looking at what is there; the emotions are different. IT IS RIGHT INSIDE YOU WITHIN YOUR REACH.
  2. E – Engagement – Keep yourselves busy. An idle mind is a devil’s workshop. If you want to be happy; identify what is your passion? What is driving you through? A sculpture sits with a hammer and chisel the whole day with one stone and carves a beautiful statue out of it. How much time does it take? Probably the full day. But because there is a passion, a goal, something you are trying to achieve, the engagement keeps you happy. So it is very important for all of us to keep ourselves engaged. If you are a student, engage in whatever you think is your priority. If you are an adult, choose your priorities. Often many young women say that before their marriage they could engage in doing so many activities but now they do not have the time and do not have any priorities. YOU NEED TO CHOOSE YOUR PRIORITIES.
  3. R – Relationship – How much time do we give to our relationships? Courtesy social media these days, everybody is sitting in close contiguity of time and space but not communicating with each other. Everybody is busy with their smart unit (mobile phones) in their hands. We connect with people who are miles and miles away but we are not connecting with people who are sitting next to us. One must invest in the relationships as it is very important that you value them and express your love, care and gratitude to them. How much does your family, your friends mean to you? Invest in them, invest in your relationships. There are researches that show that PEOPLE WHO HAVE STRINGER RELATIONSHIPS ARE HAPPIER HUMAN BEINGS IN LIFE.
  4. M – Meaning – What is the meaning of your life? What is your purpose of your life? Have you really set any goals? As per Maslow’s Need Hierarchy model, we talk of self-actualization after our basic needs of love, hunger, thirst and sex are met. We all look forward to something bigger in life. What is your goal in life? YOU NEED TO DEFINE THAT GOAL IN YOUR LIFE NOW.
  5. A – Accomplishments – Celebrate your accomplishments, small or big; You must celebrate it. It may be small achievements, collect your family and friends and celebrate those small achievements. Make them sound big to your own self because YOU CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.

The journey is immensely positive. Everything is in your reach. What you need is the right attitude because happiness is not only an emotion but it is an attitude and it is within your reach right inside you.

Anger Management

This has been a topic of concern for years. How do we manage our anger? Why do we need to manage our anger? What does anger do? Do I really need to manage my anger? Am I the one who gets angry very often?

Today, we will try to better understand this topic and more importantly we will manage this emotion in a healthier manner.

At times,after you have said something to someone, you may realize, “Oh, I wish I did not say that”;obviously regretting it.

Also, there may have been some people either at home,work or within your social circle that perhaps have already recommended and suggested that you must deal with your anger issues.

At times your perception of your thoughts may be that those people around you are foolish, or maybe you start blaming others when things go wrong.You also may think that you are not responsible. You may also continue to think that bad things happen to good people and you have been so nice and good all along.
But you always see things going wrong around you and you believe that you are getting angry very frequently.

Now, whatever the case may be whether somebody has told you or not but ANGER is TOXIC and this TOXIN may certainly harm others,but it firstly will harm you.

How can one seek help?

Anger is definitely an emotion, this quote best describes it as “It is the motion in the ocean”. Close your eyes and think about the ocean at times it is calm and at times it has enormous waves.

So today, I will share some healthy tips whereby you can try handling your turbulent issues that stir enormous emotions such as: anger.

People have described that when one is experiencing anger, it is as if one is in a trance.You will not be able to process what is happening around you. Remember, that this will harm you,your career, your relationships, your health and you will lose all your precious things.

If you are able to identify these serious anger issues, even if you apologize afterwards,you will still need to receive professional support because you are simply holding it within you.

How can we help you? What should you be doing about it?

There is one thing for sure. Anger enables you to raise your voice and you will automatically create a barrier and distance between yourself and others. Although, if you observe that you are in love and care deeply for someone your voice goes lower why? Because the hearts are coming together. Sometimes, you may speak in a whisper because even that whisper is good enough when there is coherence, there is LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING.
It is very important to bring the hearts closer; especially towards the people you love.You do not need to actually react negatively and harshly towards those people you deeply love otherwise you will be ruining your relationship. Therefore, whenever you feel angry try these three very important techniques.

First and foremost there is a Seven, Eleven Technique. Inhale while counting to 7 then exhale counting eleven. If you notice that when you get angry, your breathing drastically changes, your hands get sweaty, your whole thinking process has gone haywire and it will leave you feeling extremely worried. You MUST focus on your breathing.Breathing will help you control your anger. Just keep breathing in and breathing out and enjoy the whole process. It will make things better; but the first thing you need to do is to remove the anger from within you.

For example: I am doctor Alka, and if I am getting angry I will say ” I’m not angry”. My anger will fade away.

Although,if you were trying to support someone who gets angry, ask yourself these questions: How does it look like? How does it sound like, What should you be doing, How will you look while being angry? What kind of feelings are you having?
You’re not a bad person, anger is bad, so you will need to detach yourself from the anger. At times, when anger becomes a second party and the person becomes the first party, that detachment is very important and easy;the moment you detach you’re able to guide your anger.
So the very moment you ask, How does it look like? What does it do to you? How are you able to support and help your own self and not the anger? One needs to get out of anger first.

Step number one is to focus on your BREATHING, you will have a completely different experience and more positive outcome.

IDENTIFY what your needs are. Some people have attention seeking issues. It is an attention seeking behaviour. Therefore, when one starts throwing tantrums you try to gain the attention of the people you love. You will need to think about better ways of getting attention.

It is very important that you understand, what the CAUSE is and where it is coming from. Certain emotions take you away from the source. There are certain emotions which drag you closer to the source.
For example: When we talk about emotions which take you away from the source such as: fear. You are fearful, you are super scared of something, and this emotion will actually take you away from the source.
Although,lust, greed, anger and love are the emotions which attracts you towards the source. It is very important for you to understand
where the source is and believe it; mindfulness helps tremendously.

If you start practicing mindfulness on a daily basis, I am sure that when you face a situation for any reason whether it is external or internal you will be able to deal with it in much better way.

At last, but not least, stop thinking about extreme situations including: what people may say or do, thoughts of death etc… Fight or flight reactions is something that you know.
Those people that talk about extremes have either undergone depression or have suicidal tendencies.
They only view life in extremes.

Try bringing those extreme thoughts down and you will begin to view things differently. It is just your perception and when you are in an angry state of mind your thoughts and your feelings are misperceptions. Try understanding and supporting the healthy healing process of perception; the entire anger issue will sound and appear different.

I think it is very important for us to understand how we deal with anger while knowing how to help ourselves; this will enable us to get the proper support. Once this occurs, then those people around us will enjoy brilliant relationships.

Someone Rightly said “That a certain person said that the Right person, is going to get angry but with the Right person at the Right degree at the Right time, with the Right purpose, and the Right way, actually make light .But does this all happen just the Right way?

Certainly NOT! So, what do we do? How do we feel when we are offended by someone? Some of us are very rigid, we are breakable, and we break into pieces. Actually, it is very important that we increase our strength. It may hit us physically ;look at the bigger picture, review the picture. Totally, change the picture. Look at the other side when you are getting angry sometimes you are so focused on that one point. Anger will break you into pieces. I strongly said that Right? Facing Right, Right degree and Right time, Right purpose, right away. The DANGER is not an issue, but it becomes very difficult and it is not external. You need to actually stretch your threshold and see that your idea of getting angry actually goes much higher.

Thank you so much, let’s start to working on your anger issues together.